I'm on the verge of giving up the thoughts of having my own child, I still cannot accept the fact that we need to go thru ivf, it doesn't gurantee that I'll succeed on the first attempt. what if it fail? I think I'll rather commit suicide. And I need to jab myself for 10 days!!! 10 days is the min, it can stretch throughout the whole program. Maybe 10 yrs down the road when I decides otherwise I'll reconsider this option again, for the next 10 yrs we shall remain childless even though I so badly want my own child, even have plans to do so many things with them. When God knows that its the right time He'll bless me one naturally.
Why of all guys he must be the one causing me to suffer so much!!!! For now I'll dote Shyenne & Sherlise just like my own daughters.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
Not easy to be angel...
Why such a subject? cos today we both went to work, my mth end report is 90% done. In office, I cannot let my dad know we quarreling, if not nagging start & he'll say he wanna come my house!! So in office I act as if nothing has happen, if the phone call is for him, I'll just say his name slightly louder to get his attention if my dad is around, if my dad is not around I'm so tempted to say "siao eh, ur call, take it or leave it"
Just before I start packing my laptop, he came over & ask me to give in. For the past 2 days, no signs of feeling remorseful & wanna me to forgive him like that!? I feel like asking him, if this is the first day he know me, no sorry, literally nothing at all!! walk to the car, it was drizzerling outside, as usual once I get caught in the rain I get headache.
He bought LJS for dinner, I feel like asking him, why waste money, I won't eat anything that he bring home, wanna show me attitude, I have lotsa time to play with u!! Me whole day only eat lunch & he buy fried food?? Like to see me suffer getting stomach flu issit, say so lah. Buy 1 pack of chicken rice for me & I eat with chilli sure get it, then u'll be on cloud9
*sorry friends, past few postings only directed at 1 person, I shall share my happy moments soon!
Just before I start packing my laptop, he came over & ask me to give in. For the past 2 days, no signs of feeling remorseful & wanna me to forgive him like that!? I feel like asking him, if this is the first day he know me, no sorry, literally nothing at all!! walk to the car, it was drizzerling outside, as usual once I get caught in the rain I get headache.
He bought LJS for dinner, I feel like asking him, why waste money, I won't eat anything that he bring home, wanna show me attitude, I have lotsa time to play with u!! Me whole day only eat lunch & he buy fried food?? Like to see me suffer getting stomach flu issit, say so lah. Buy 1 pack of chicken rice for me & I eat with chilli sure get it, then u'll be on cloud9
*sorry friends, past few postings only directed at 1 person, I shall share my happy moments soon!
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Taking a break from churning 50+ month end reports, giving myself a small excuse to update what I do today.
Today wake up real early, before 9am my eyes auto open wide & I can't sleep anymore reason being thats a incensant snoring right beside me.
Since I can't get anymore sleep, I woke up & make myself a piping hot cup of coffee and started doing my reports till 11.00am. I get myself changed & get ready cos I'm going to Irene's baby shower today. Went downstair at 11.35am, wah the weather nearly killed me, there's no cab in sight at all, I took out my hp & started to call for a cab, just when I got a cab number on the phone, God decides to bless me a cab on the street, the cab wind down the window & ask where I'm heading to, I told him I'm going yew tee, he say ok & I hop onto the cab & quickly call the cab company to cancel my on call cab, the cab fare to Irene's place is $14, I took a slow walk to her unit & to my suprise, I'm the first one who arrive, I started playing with Owein & Oswald is eating his lunch & watching cartoon at the same time
I called Peggy, she's still home at 12.20pm & she say she's meeting Elicia & Carol at Yew Tee MRT at 1pm, should have called her & ask her before I leave home, but doesn't matter, Irene showed me round her house & her rooms are huge, I mean a lot bigger than my 5 rm flat lor, but of cos the price she pay also a lot more lah
Peggy & the rest arrived at 1.45pm, Dyllis is a bit cranky today cos she's not feeling that well, we left Irene's house at 2.45pm, I hitched a ride with Peggy & alight at Carol's blk & same thing no taxi in sight, *sigh* whats with all the taxi today, its not a public holiday, its not raining & where did all the taxi go hiding. I got a cab 5 mins later & I reach home at 4pm, churn report time again till now I'm still not done yet
As usual, idiot did not buy dinner, I shall survive on my vitasoy later, so my weekend got ruined by some mindless people
*latest update, I went to the kitchen at 1020pm & saw a metal container on the kitchen table, my itchy hand went to check it out, first container I saw white rice, 2nd container is empty, 3rd container I saw few pathetic pieces of brocolli, if my eyes not play tricks with me I saw 1 tau pok & 1 brinjal. Obviously this idiot didn't know I won't eat so this dinner is going into the bin tomorrow morning, now he's sleeping in the studyroom & tonite I have the whole king size bed to myself!!!
Today wake up real early, before 9am my eyes auto open wide & I can't sleep anymore reason being thats a incensant snoring right beside me.
Since I can't get anymore sleep, I woke up & make myself a piping hot cup of coffee and started doing my reports till 11.00am. I get myself changed & get ready cos I'm going to Irene's baby shower today. Went downstair at 11.35am, wah the weather nearly killed me, there's no cab in sight at all, I took out my hp & started to call for a cab, just when I got a cab number on the phone, God decides to bless me a cab on the street, the cab wind down the window & ask where I'm heading to, I told him I'm going yew tee, he say ok & I hop onto the cab & quickly call the cab company to cancel my on call cab, the cab fare to Irene's place is $14, I took a slow walk to her unit & to my suprise, I'm the first one who arrive, I started playing with Owein & Oswald is eating his lunch & watching cartoon at the same time
I called Peggy, she's still home at 12.20pm & she say she's meeting Elicia & Carol at Yew Tee MRT at 1pm, should have called her & ask her before I leave home, but doesn't matter, Irene showed me round her house & her rooms are huge, I mean a lot bigger than my 5 rm flat lor, but of cos the price she pay also a lot more lah
Peggy & the rest arrived at 1.45pm, Dyllis is a bit cranky today cos she's not feeling that well, we left Irene's house at 2.45pm, I hitched a ride with Peggy & alight at Carol's blk & same thing no taxi in sight, *sigh* whats with all the taxi today, its not a public holiday, its not raining & where did all the taxi go hiding. I got a cab 5 mins later & I reach home at 4pm, churn report time again till now I'm still not done yet
As usual, idiot did not buy dinner, I shall survive on my vitasoy later, so my weekend got ruined by some mindless people
*latest update, I went to the kitchen at 1020pm & saw a metal container on the kitchen table, my itchy hand went to check it out, first container I saw white rice, 2nd container is empty, 3rd container I saw few pathetic pieces of brocolli, if my eyes not play tricks with me I saw 1 tau pok & 1 brinjal. Obviously this idiot didn't know I won't eat so this dinner is going into the bin tomorrow morning, now he's sleeping in the studyroom & tonite I have the whole king size bed to myself!!!
Saturday, October 27, 2007
My Saturday got ruined...
This morning Colin send my MIL to see TCM, appt is scheduled at 9am, I believe he's out of the house before 8am. I woke up at 10am & called his hp hoping to hear him say that he's on his way home buying breakfast for me. But instead, he told me he's going chinatown with my MIL to buy yong tau foo for tonight's dinner, my blood starting boiling, I even feel like asking him if he knows his wife got nothing to eat at home starving to death any min, he hurriedly hung up the call & say he's driving & he's not using handsfree. I call 1 min later and ask if he'll swing by our place, hoping to hear a yes from him, he know no he's going straight to chinatown, wanna tag along to go chinatown for breakfast also cannot. When he reach chinatown, he call me & say his mum is buy vege & he's waiting for her, I'm on the verge of screaming my head off at him, buy vege must go all the way to chinatown? Hougang so big with dunno how many markets around, eat the vege in hougang will shorten our life span by 5 years issit, all vege also import from msia wat
Then Colin started asking wat I wanna eat, my tummy filled with anger already where got mood to wait for ur tabao, u still need to send ur beloved mum home & maybe even need to help her carry her grocery home, by the time u reach home already dunno wat time. I sms him & told him straight, he promise me on friday night he'll be back home by 10am, but 12pm I still can't even see his shadow, tell u dun buy lunch this idiot really never buy any food home, good grief. I'm so lazy to go downstair cos I'm so sick of eating those food, and no tabao for me, so at the end of the day I learn my lesson, mothers are always & forever more important than wife. Mother cannot starve but wife can, can ditch wife at home but cannot ditch mum. I've been eating his mum's cooking for the past 2 weeks, dying to eat something else, at his parents place everything also cannot eat.
First reply he give me when he got home "dear I didn't know you'll wake up so early?!" duhz, 10am is the usual time I get up unless I sleep real late on Fri nite, what a lame excuse! so you're hoping I'll call you at 12pm when you finally reach home then only hear you happily tell me "I send my mum to chinatown to buy vege" hello, u din even bring ur wife go chinatown for some decent meal for dunno how many donkey mths, if my memory never fail me, the last decent meal I eat at chinatown is in July!! reason u brought me to chinatown is to collect our airticket!! and that meal is not just the 2 of us, I eat with ur parents & we have to pay for the bloody meal also!!
Now I just return from Compass Point cos I need to get a gift for Irene's baby shower, I help one of my girl's buy pigeon bottle wash cos it got twin pack offer, carrying this home is no joke, I feel that my wound is going to tear any min cos its heavy.
Actually intended to shop with him after he come home at 10am, go eat breakfast or brunch together, thats our plan, we even discuss it on Fri nite, but becos of someone all plans go down the drain, still got the cheek to tell me I never sms him my whereabouts, hello Mr Lim, I no longer 3 year old, do I need to report what time I eat, wat time I drink & wat time I shit!?
*To all my Friends, I need to pen this down before I go crazy, can ignore cos I'm just need to get my frustration across & wake this idiot up from all his stupid ideas
Then Colin started asking wat I wanna eat, my tummy filled with anger already where got mood to wait for ur tabao, u still need to send ur beloved mum home & maybe even need to help her carry her grocery home, by the time u reach home already dunno wat time. I sms him & told him straight, he promise me on friday night he'll be back home by 10am, but 12pm I still can't even see his shadow, tell u dun buy lunch this idiot really never buy any food home, good grief. I'm so lazy to go downstair cos I'm so sick of eating those food, and no tabao for me, so at the end of the day I learn my lesson, mothers are always & forever more important than wife. Mother cannot starve but wife can, can ditch wife at home but cannot ditch mum. I've been eating his mum's cooking for the past 2 weeks, dying to eat something else, at his parents place everything also cannot eat.
First reply he give me when he got home "dear I didn't know you'll wake up so early?!" duhz, 10am is the usual time I get up unless I sleep real late on Fri nite, what a lame excuse! so you're hoping I'll call you at 12pm when you finally reach home then only hear you happily tell me "I send my mum to chinatown to buy vege" hello, u din even bring ur wife go chinatown for some decent meal for dunno how many donkey mths, if my memory never fail me, the last decent meal I eat at chinatown is in July!! reason u brought me to chinatown is to collect our airticket!! and that meal is not just the 2 of us, I eat with ur parents & we have to pay for the bloody meal also!!
Now I just return from Compass Point cos I need to get a gift for Irene's baby shower, I help one of my girl's buy pigeon bottle wash cos it got twin pack offer, carrying this home is no joke, I feel that my wound is going to tear any min cos its heavy.
Actually intended to shop with him after he come home at 10am, go eat breakfast or brunch together, thats our plan, we even discuss it on Fri nite, but becos of someone all plans go down the drain, still got the cheek to tell me I never sms him my whereabouts, hello Mr Lim, I no longer 3 year old, do I need to report what time I eat, wat time I drink & wat time I shit!?
*To all my Friends, I need to pen this down before I go crazy, can ignore cos I'm just need to get my frustration across & wake this idiot up from all his stupid ideas
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Post Op update....
I know my update is long overdue, let me update what has happen over the past week after the op, excuse me for the long posting
9/10
As per my last posting, I was back in the ward at 6.30pm, super duper drowsy from GA. Diana is the first to buzz my hp & Colin replied her, after that I receive another sms from Jen, I replied her personally even though I was slipping in & out of dreamland. By 8pm I cannot wait to get out of the ward, reason being the lady beside me vomit every 15 mins, the lady opposite my bed I suspect is china lady brought the whole village people to visit her, there's no way I can get proper rest, the MO from TMC inspected me & gave me the green light to go home at 9pm. Reach home close to 10pm, Colin quickly sponge bath me. Went to bed almost immediately, but wake up due to the pain everytime I toss & turn on the bed cos I refuse to take the painkiller
10/10
Colin took another day off from work to look after me, my MIL offered to cook all my meals cos there's a lot of things I cannot eat. Before I sleep, I took the painkiller if not I'll get waken up from the pain again
11/10
Colin send me to my parents place cos there's nobody at home & he need to go office. Back at my parents place I can hardly rest. I really take my hat off my mum, she need to attend to a hyperactive toddler & a 3.5 mths baby is really not easy for her. Shyenne saw my lappy, keep wanting me to carry her so that she can play my lappy, every 5 sec she'll call "ah yi" and raise her hands out to me, every 5 sec I'll repeat to her that I cannot carry her, at 3.30pm finally have peace after both kids take their nap, at the end of the day I'm more tired than I'm at work
12/10
I surrender to see a GP cos the ulcer in my throat is giving me intense pain & I need medication badly to ease the pain, this GP is hopeless, only give me anti-biotics & cough syrup, after that Colin send me to TMC to change my wound dressing, after that he have to send me back to my parents place & rush to work. Back at my parents place, this time round I hibernate in my sis room so that I can rest, but really never under-estimate a toddler, she knock on my sis room door & the moment either maid open the room door she'll dash in & climb onto the bed & start attacking my lappy, after dinner Colin brought me home
13/10 - 15/10
Sat went to see another GP to get painkiller, the way the GP say the painkiller he gave me I'll feel relieve after 40mins, sounds like some magic antidote, with the ulcers in my throat, it irritated me a lot & I start coughing. in the middle of the nite, I wake up like every 1 to 1.5 hrs & cough & I woke Colin up with my cough, he didn't have proper rest since after my op & I felt so guilty after that
Sun & Mon just laze around at home not doing much
16/10
Today woke up super excited cos I got appt with Dr Soong to see my report, she inspected my wound & say its healing very well and I can remove the dressing on Fri. The moment she call me into her room, first question from me I ask her if the blood spots are endometrosis (blood cyst), she confirmed it and show me the pics (its extremely disgusting seeing coloured scan pics, definitely not for faint hearted people), she explained what exactly it is & say my cyst is in stage 1, I really cannot imagine if I din go for this op & discover it much later as it can endanger my life!! Since I got family history of cyst, she told me its better for me to be on lucrin jab to lower down the likehood of it coming back, side effects are I'll get hot flushes & mood swings which Colin have to endure for 3 mths!!
17/10
First day back at work after resting at home for 1 week, only 1 word to describe my table. Total madness!! I don't even know where to start cos just too much to do
To all my friends out there, thank you for all your sms & concern, thanking you peepz from the bottom of my heart!! I'm doing very very well & my wound is healing very nicely now
To my beloved hubby, no words can describe my gratefulness towards your care & concern for the past week, more to come for you!!
9/10
As per my last posting, I was back in the ward at 6.30pm, super duper drowsy from GA. Diana is the first to buzz my hp & Colin replied her, after that I receive another sms from Jen, I replied her personally even though I was slipping in & out of dreamland. By 8pm I cannot wait to get out of the ward, reason being the lady beside me vomit every 15 mins, the lady opposite my bed I suspect is china lady brought the whole village people to visit her, there's no way I can get proper rest, the MO from TMC inspected me & gave me the green light to go home at 9pm. Reach home close to 10pm, Colin quickly sponge bath me. Went to bed almost immediately, but wake up due to the pain everytime I toss & turn on the bed cos I refuse to take the painkiller
10/10
Colin took another day off from work to look after me, my MIL offered to cook all my meals cos there's a lot of things I cannot eat. Before I sleep, I took the painkiller if not I'll get waken up from the pain again
11/10
Colin send me to my parents place cos there's nobody at home & he need to go office. Back at my parents place I can hardly rest. I really take my hat off my mum, she need to attend to a hyperactive toddler & a 3.5 mths baby is really not easy for her. Shyenne saw my lappy, keep wanting me to carry her so that she can play my lappy, every 5 sec she'll call "ah yi" and raise her hands out to me, every 5 sec I'll repeat to her that I cannot carry her, at 3.30pm finally have peace after both kids take their nap, at the end of the day I'm more tired than I'm at work
12/10
I surrender to see a GP cos the ulcer in my throat is giving me intense pain & I need medication badly to ease the pain, this GP is hopeless, only give me anti-biotics & cough syrup, after that Colin send me to TMC to change my wound dressing, after that he have to send me back to my parents place & rush to work. Back at my parents place, this time round I hibernate in my sis room so that I can rest, but really never under-estimate a toddler, she knock on my sis room door & the moment either maid open the room door she'll dash in & climb onto the bed & start attacking my lappy, after dinner Colin brought me home
13/10 - 15/10
Sat went to see another GP to get painkiller, the way the GP say the painkiller he gave me I'll feel relieve after 40mins, sounds like some magic antidote, with the ulcers in my throat, it irritated me a lot & I start coughing. in the middle of the nite, I wake up like every 1 to 1.5 hrs & cough & I woke Colin up with my cough, he didn't have proper rest since after my op & I felt so guilty after that
Sun & Mon just laze around at home not doing much
16/10
Today woke up super excited cos I got appt with Dr Soong to see my report, she inspected my wound & say its healing very well and I can remove the dressing on Fri. The moment she call me into her room, first question from me I ask her if the blood spots are endometrosis (blood cyst), she confirmed it and show me the pics (its extremely disgusting seeing coloured scan pics, definitely not for faint hearted people), she explained what exactly it is & say my cyst is in stage 1, I really cannot imagine if I din go for this op & discover it much later as it can endanger my life!! Since I got family history of cyst, she told me its better for me to be on lucrin jab to lower down the likehood of it coming back, side effects are I'll get hot flushes & mood swings which Colin have to endure for 3 mths!!
17/10
First day back at work after resting at home for 1 week, only 1 word to describe my table. Total madness!! I don't even know where to start cos just too much to do
To all my friends out there, thank you for all your sms & concern, thanking you peepz from the bottom of my heart!! I'm doing very very well & my wound is healing very nicely now
To my beloved hubby, no words can describe my gratefulness towards your care & concern for the past week, more to come for you!!
Thursday, October 11, 2007
My Most Fearful Day...
9/10/07 is the scariest day of my life, my laproscopy is scheduled on that day at 4pm. Colin woke me up at 9am to have my brunch cos I need to fast latest by 10.30am. First thing I wake up, he start telling me its nothing to worry about & tears started rolling down my cheeks, he sense my fear & told me if I'm really that worried, I can cancel the op, frankly spearking after waiting for 3 weeks I'll just get it done & over with it.
We reached TMC at 1.10pm, got a queue number & waited for a good 20 mins before its our turn, when I'm doing my admission first shock I got my gynae's goondoo assistant never book me on 1 bedder, instead she book me on 4 bedder, next shock all the 1 bedder rooms are full. The staff was very kind & say she'll book me on 2 bedder, I'm not left with any choice have to take whatever it's available, paid deposit & someone showed us to our ward. Next shock came when I was waiting in this 4 bedder ward, the 2 bedder rooms are also full, Colin immediately tell me, if by any chance I get to see my gynae, I must get her to discharge me after I wake up. Then the nurse came & take my blood pressure, the reading is 131/78, I think I'm too nervous until the reading is so high, then got me to change & wait till the time for me to go down to OT area.
1540, an OT nurse came & brought me down, initially very happy cos I assume Colin can go with me, who knows at the lift lobby, the nurse say Colin cannot go with me, I see his sad look & bid him a sad goodbye, then I was make to lie on a bed & everytime a nurse came & chat with me they'll do verification, in all I think I repeat myself at least 5 times, the saddest part is there's another girl who is due for c-sect already given birth to her baby I'm still outside the OT room waiting for my gynae.
1610, my gynae is finally done with the previous op & she came & talk to me, first thing I tell her I wanna go home after I wake up, she reluctantly agreed to my request
1620, I'm finally pushed into the OT, the anesthetist Dr Chong came & talk to me & assure me the op is with 99% success, next came my gynae, she held my hand so tightly when Dr Chong is trying the inject the needle to hook the drip, really grateful for me, after the GA is administered I feel asleep within 3 sec, next thing I know I'm back in the ward learning to cope the pain from the wound. My gynae called Colin after my op & say she saw blood spots around my ovaries & its all removed
now my most fearful day is over, I'm praying hard this is my first & last op at tmc, real bad experience I had with their "wonderful" service
We reached TMC at 1.10pm, got a queue number & waited for a good 20 mins before its our turn, when I'm doing my admission first shock I got my gynae's goondoo assistant never book me on 1 bedder, instead she book me on 4 bedder, next shock all the 1 bedder rooms are full. The staff was very kind & say she'll book me on 2 bedder, I'm not left with any choice have to take whatever it's available, paid deposit & someone showed us to our ward. Next shock came when I was waiting in this 4 bedder ward, the 2 bedder rooms are also full, Colin immediately tell me, if by any chance I get to see my gynae, I must get her to discharge me after I wake up. Then the nurse came & take my blood pressure, the reading is 131/78, I think I'm too nervous until the reading is so high, then got me to change & wait till the time for me to go down to OT area.
1540, an OT nurse came & brought me down, initially very happy cos I assume Colin can go with me, who knows at the lift lobby, the nurse say Colin cannot go with me, I see his sad look & bid him a sad goodbye, then I was make to lie on a bed & everytime a nurse came & chat with me they'll do verification, in all I think I repeat myself at least 5 times, the saddest part is there's another girl who is due for c-sect already given birth to her baby I'm still outside the OT room waiting for my gynae.
1610, my gynae is finally done with the previous op & she came & talk to me, first thing I tell her I wanna go home after I wake up, she reluctantly agreed to my request
1620, I'm finally pushed into the OT, the anesthetist Dr Chong came & talk to me & assure me the op is with 99% success, next came my gynae, she held my hand so tightly when Dr Chong is trying the inject the needle to hook the drip, really grateful for me, after the GA is administered I feel asleep within 3 sec, next thing I know I'm back in the ward learning to cope the pain from the wound. My gynae called Colin after my op & say she saw blood spots around my ovaries & its all removed
now my most fearful day is over, I'm praying hard this is my first & last op at tmc, real bad experience I had with their "wonderful" service
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Really running out of things to blog. Fri nite after having dinner at my parents place, Colin decided to bring me to Changi Beach for a walk, I think he know that after my laproscopy I'll be grounded home for at least 3 weeks, so this weekend he reall spend a lot of time with me.
Sat suppose to meet Peggy Jie at Orchard for lunch & shopping, but she sms me on Fri nite saying that she can't meet me cos she's having diarreahoea, I told her its ok we can meet another time when I'm more mobile. Went out for lunch with my PILs then headed home, at nite Colin brought me to East Coast hawker center for dinner, food not very fantastic except for satay, its really crowded there
Sun, we went Orchard for shopping, the cheapest shopping center carpark charges around taka is either Wisma or Heeren, taka parking charges can rob bank, way too expensive. When we left Wisma, they're having problem with the cashcard system, they even put barrier to prevent cars from entering the carpark, so I think they charge all the cars the min charge of $3.50
Sat suppose to meet Peggy Jie at Orchard for lunch & shopping, but she sms me on Fri nite saying that she can't meet me cos she's having diarreahoea, I told her its ok we can meet another time when I'm more mobile. Went out for lunch with my PILs then headed home, at nite Colin brought me to East Coast hawker center for dinner, food not very fantastic except for satay, its really crowded there
Sun, we went Orchard for shopping, the cheapest shopping center carpark charges around taka is either Wisma or Heeren, taka parking charges can rob bank, way too expensive. When we left Wisma, they're having problem with the cashcard system, they even put barrier to prevent cars from entering the carpark, so I think they charge all the cars the min charge of $3.50
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