Last weekend is not easy for me, I didn't talk to Colin at all, communication is all thru sms which is a real danger communication channel, sms is toneless & message can get misinterpretted very easily. Stayed home the whole day cos I'm learning very very hard to accept the facts laid in front of me.

A very kind friend msn me & give me a link on the whole procedure, I read with a real heavy heart, cos the amount of jabs & medications I have to take is far worse than I can imagine (I have very low pain threshold & I see needles I can faint the next min) and that link only show the short protocol, I can't imagine further if I need to go thru the long protocol. I called up Dr Soong's clinic yesterday & scheduled for an appointment this Friday at 10am, not too sure if I'll even go cos I'm not mentally prepared for what to come next.

We have another round of heated argument that started from home all the way to the car this morning. to the extend we didn't even go & work today. I can come up with an excuse today, what about tomorrow? The cause of the argument is 1. I cannot understand why he must go out when I'm not well, this has not happen once but quite a few times, I know he needs to go out to distress, but I'm not feeling good either. 2. I need to face the reality that we cannot get a child the natural way, but to-date I'm still hiding from the facts laid before me.

This last entry is dedicated to none but to my beloved husband, Colin.

I've not love you any lesser when I saw the reports, any sane girl will be in shock and they'll definitely need time to accept what to come next, I hope you also understand the whirlpool I'm going through, but I definitely need more time than you think. If you think we cannot handle this rough patch together, and if you think we'll be better on our own, I'll respect whatever decision you make, as I always tell you, dun regret what you say earlier. It just hurts me so deeply