I cannot believe it...

I really cannot believe it, I just recovered from flu, cough & sorethroat, now whole body ache like nobody's biz, just a stroke on my back send shiver down my spine cos its really painful

Anyway, weekend is good. Saturday woke up really early at 9.30am (for those friends who know me, on any normal weekend 9.30am I'll still be in my slumberland), went downstair & had breakfast with Colin, after which went hougang mall post office to buy postage stamps & post 1 big stack of mails, then my hunt for a box of chicken essence & birdnest begins. My dear friend Irene has given birth to her 2nd prince on Fri. Peggy, Elicia & I made arrangements to visit her at hospital & I told them I'll get 1 box of chicken essence & 1 box of birdnest for Irene. We had a great time chatting & spend about 2 hrs in her ward. Afterwhich we went novena square for a bite, then I took a train to meet Colin at Bugis Junction.

We went walking around, not in shopping mode cos I'm really controlling my spending very tightly, we passby levis section at BHG aka seiyu & they're having 20% storewide discount, Colin is a big fan for their 512 series & the price tag shows $89.90 & there's a further 20% discount, after disc its only $71, great buy!! We proceed to the kids section to take a look at the clothes, while looking I keep thinking when I can shop for my own baby which I strongly believe is real soon! Bought Shyenne & Sherlise 1 set of clothes each & finally hit $80 to buy a La Gourmet 24cm pot for only $30!

We then proceed to meet my in-laws for dinner at Fatty Weng (1 of my favourite restaurant, great food), after dinner home sweet home I'm really really tired after a long day

Sun, sleep till 1.30pm & Colin is amazed how I can sleep with my neighbour upstair making so much noise, went downstair for lunch. We went parkway for a walk in the evening cos really want to go out for a walk before my laproscopy which I know I'll be confined at home for at least 3 weeks

sianz....

My parents is travelling to vietnam from 30/9 to 4/10, today my dad happily told me he's going china from 23/10 to 31/10, heng I didn't reschedule my laproscopy to 16/10 if not before my wound can recover I have to crawl to office to work already & poor Colin will have to endure my foul temper & not able to help me with my neverending workload

Its been more than a week since I last blog, nothing much to write cos its been pretty busy in office & I'm really lazy

Last week, there's somebody who is really irritating that I must pen it down to get it off my chest before I get insomia. She buzz me in msn & tell me this mth's issue Today's parents there's an article saying there's 5 ways to conceive & I need not go through ivf, I really cannot believe my eyes when she say that, and she even tell me she'll scan the article to show me, my blood is boiling at that time, here I am just managed to face the reality & there she is rubbing salt on my wound that is just healed. I went to a few places to hunt this magazine but to no avail, I give up finding cos if there's really an alternate way, Dr Soong would have say it long ago, and even Dr Gan say the same thing, with 2 doctors conculsion, I'm facing a almost dead end

Enough of this irritating girl. Lately found a comforting forum & there's a lot of girls going through the same shit hole as me & the best part they conceive on their first attempt, that really spurs my confident level up by at least 30% but not pinning much hope either

I shall blog again when I find time

My appointment today with Dr Soong is good, everything went well & even scheduled an appointment for laproscopy on 9 Oct at 4pm (she only operate on tues), after which I'll be making appointment to see LC Cheng & discuss about our ivf treatment, estimated cost is $12K which is the cost I expected, but good news I can claim $6K on medisave.

Lets hope everything proceeds well from now on

There is always light at the end of the tunnel & God will lead me whenever I'm lost in the deep ocean, we make up last nite at 12.30am. Colin understand the amount of stress I'm goin through & he told me to KIV our ivf treatment till I'm mentally prepared. I'm grateful but I don't want to drag any further. We shall see how it goes after our appointment on Fri, sometimes its not for me to decide but God knows when its best & I'll just wait for the right time.

I would like to thank all my friends who lend me their shoulders & ears the past 2 days, without all of you, I would have fall into depression & you guys can visit me at hougang chalet's president suite room now

Last weekend is not easy for me, I didn't talk to Colin at all, communication is all thru sms which is a real danger communication channel, sms is toneless & message can get misinterpretted very easily. Stayed home the whole day cos I'm learning very very hard to accept the facts laid in front of me.

A very kind friend msn me & give me a link on the whole procedure, I read with a real heavy heart, cos the amount of jabs & medications I have to take is far worse than I can imagine (I have very low pain threshold & I see needles I can faint the next min) and that link only show the short protocol, I can't imagine further if I need to go thru the long protocol. I called up Dr Soong's clinic yesterday & scheduled for an appointment this Friday at 10am, not too sure if I'll even go cos I'm not mentally prepared for what to come next.

We have another round of heated argument that started from home all the way to the car this morning. to the extend we didn't even go & work today. I can come up with an excuse today, what about tomorrow? The cause of the argument is 1. I cannot understand why he must go out when I'm not well, this has not happen once but quite a few times, I know he needs to go out to distress, but I'm not feeling good either. 2. I need to face the reality that we cannot get a child the natural way, but to-date I'm still hiding from the facts laid before me.

This last entry is dedicated to none but to my beloved husband, Colin.

I've not love you any lesser when I saw the reports, any sane girl will be in shock and they'll definitely need time to accept what to come next, I hope you also understand the whirlpool I'm going through, but I definitely need more time than you think. If you think we cannot handle this rough patch together, and if you think we'll be better on our own, I'll respect whatever decision you make, as I always tell you, dun regret what you say earlier. It just hurts me so deeply

My most heavy hearted weekend

On Thurs, started to have signs of running nose again, why the timing always weekend!? I really wonder... on Fri, in office trying to clear my work, my flu become full-blown, till my girls shun far far away from me, I was sneezing non-stop but I dare not pop pills cos that med is known to knock me out into dreamland within 2 hrs, so I endure, head felt heavy & my nose is as red as red nose reindeer

Went back to my parents place for dinner, din have much appetite so eat for the sake of eating. Since I'm running a really bad flu, I have to stay clear from Shyenne & Sherlise & Colin have a good time playing with Shyenne & I only can stand in 1 corner to watch.

Sat was the worse weekend I ever spend, Colin is scheduled to see a Andrology at Mt E, I went with a heavy heart but praying for a miracle. Appointment is at 10.30am, but we only reach Mt E at 11am cos of a stupid jam at CTE. Dr Enoch Gan went for a procedure and will only be back at 12pm, we went to lucky plaza for a drink to kill time. Finally its 12pm, we went back to the clinic but Dr Gan not back yet & we only saw him at 12.30pm, cut the long story short, our only option left to have a child is to go thru ivf-icsi, cost is a big concern for us & since I'm still young, chances of success is pretty high.

The whole afternoon I was surfing net to find out more on ivf-icsi, Will be making appointment to see my beloved Dr Soong next week & we'll probably be referred to the fertility center. Have a very heated argument with Colin now cos he always choose to go out when I'm not well & I still can't help feeling heavy hearted till now. What can I do? I still can't accept the facts & I nearly cried at Dr Gan's clinic

*we're not on talking terms now, have not speak to each other for more than 12 hrs already. I really wanna cry my heart out & hopefully I'll feel better after that