Another cold war

I'm not angry over a cup of drink. More of cannot sink into the reality of the upcoming treatment. I'm not mentally prepared neither am i physically ready. I really just want to go to a nobody island. Just me living alone with no disturbance. Another appt coming in 1 month time. Can i dun go? The thoughts alone is enough to lead me into depression. Right now just using work to occupy my mind. I'm a different me now. I'll no longer be able to communicate my mind freely. No one will ever understand the amount of stress i'm going thru. The end!